The Globalist Post is satire that is meant for a laugh. If you can't take a joke, leave.

Breaking News Newsletter

LATEST BREAKING NEWS | DEVELOPING NEWS | NEWS ALERTS | NEWS FLASH

KELVIN | 36,187 Likes >>

MAKE TEXAS

CALIFORNIA

Two Simple Steps to Flip Texas

Dead people aren't enough, to flip TX we need more New Arrivals

Republicans exist because we allow them to. But this has gone on for too long. It is time for them to go.

The time has come for the rest of the country to wake up like California did, and get rid of Republicans, completely. California is so awesome that it is virtually impossible for Republicans to ever get elected again. The same should be so for the landmass known as the United States.

Why is this so important?

Because once we eliminate Texan Republicans, we can finally have equality.

THE EQUALITY BILL OF RIGHTS

Climate Equity
Health Care for All
Free College
Guaranteed Income
Universal Gun-Free Zones
Full Reproductive Rights for All Genders
Hate-Free Speech

The landmass referred to as Texas is the front line in the war on equality. It is currently populated by just enough bigots to make awful things happen, like Ted Cruz. But with the help of some busses, u-hauls, and strategic election initiatives, Texas can be just like California.

Two Simple Steps to Turn Texas into California

Step 1 – Everybody From South America Needs to Move to Texas

All we have to do is flood Texas with as many people as possible. It does not matter really where they come from, they just need to get to Dallas, Houston, and Austin. Helping people migrate from poor countries to Texas is how we accomplish this. Greeting them with equality prizes when they arrive in Texas also helps: health care, education, housing, and income, for example.

Every time we get another 700,000 people, we get more seats in Congress and more electoral votes. .

More People = More Electoral College Votes + More Seats in Congress

Our goal by the numbers:

Increase the urban Texan population by 50%
Pick up about 20 more electoral college votes and more seats in Congress

Step 2 – Put That Numerical Advantage to Work

Once Texas has approximately 50+ total electoral college votes, the next step is to put them to good use. Here we have two options

Motor Voter

Anybody with a driver’s license can vote in Texan elections and Republicans are pretty much wiped out. Voter ID is racist because, it just is, so anybody that advocates for voter ID, you call them the racist that they are.

The Sure Thing

In the event that we don’t win an election in Texas - have no fear! As soon as the polls close we calculate how many provisional ballots we need to win. Then, volunteers canvas and collect the required number of provisional ballots to win.

One California is Not Enough – We Need Another

California overcame racism and made it so that anyone with a driver license can vote. And anyone can get a driver's license. So why can’t Texas! Republicans are so stupid and we’ve let them get away with winning elections for too long!

It’s really that simple, folks

Stack the electoral college and Congress
Exploit the numerical advantage
Get equality

Meander is a non-binary gender studies adjunct professor and contributor to the Globalist post. Meander's personal preferred pronouns (PPP) are ze/hir. Ze lives and works in Portland with hir partner and thir non-binary dogs, Shakepeare and Xir. Follow hir on Twitter where ze's telling you to let stuff sink in.

MORE NEWS THAT IS BREAKING NEWS

Hospitals will be slammed on National MAGA Hat Day in what will be an epic Fash Bash.

#NMHD

Read how one man claimed his wife's boyfriend as a dependent and saved on health insurance.

Cuckoldry

Make this yours. Add images, text and links, or connect data from your collection.

Flip Texas Blue

About

Advertise

Jobs

Tip Line

User Agreement

Press Room