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KELVIN | 36,187 Likes >>
National MAGA Hat Day:
Are Our Hospitals Ready for #NMHD?
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With so much at stake, many challenge the real purpose of National MAGA Hat Day? Is it a day about testing the limits of our emergency medical infrastructure? Or, is it something nasty, like the freedom of speech for Trump supporters?
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According to the American College of Surgery Facts, only 203 Level One trauma centers operate in the United States. This equates to one trauma center per 320,000 Trump voters. Imagine if the whole city of Des Moines, Iowa descended upon one tiny emergency room. Yes, it’s like that. This country is not equipped to handle an outbreak of MAGA hat beatings.
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According to an unnamed source, one in ten MAGA hat wearers will be verbally assaulted in public. One in twenty will face physical assault and require medical attention. Those numbers double if the MAGA hat wearer is in New York or California.
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Health care professionals are on the verge of panic considering the upcoming National MAGA Hat Day, #NMHD. The event is almost a guarantee that Level One trauma centers nationwide will be stressed beyond limit.
What will ensue on #NMHD will be a medical poo storm unlike anything this country has ever seen. First responders and emergency room staff nationwide are already on edge. Many are stock piling medical supplies in anticipation of what is expected to unfurl into a national emergency.
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According to one ER worker, “The last time they brought one of those Trump people in here, he had an ice pick stuck in his thigh and he was missing a few teeth. Someone had also dumped piss on him. He was 80 years old, so it could have been his own piss though.”
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The incident drew skepticism from many online onlookers. Popular theories suggested the ice pick was a workplace injury and the missing teeth were because, well, he was a Trump supporter.
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The alleged victim in the alleged incident, alleges that he is retired and does not encounter ice picks in his day-to-day activities. He says he wore the hat because he was curious to see how others in his neighborhood would react. He maintains that he has never suffered from poor oral health and the missing teeth are a result of the attack. This statement has not been confirmed by a dentist.
Congressional House Democrat Boss Anastasia Ocasio Cortez tweeted a statement in response to the alleged victim’s gaslighting attempt. “I bet there’s a big beautiful ice machine in his office’s break room. There’s where you’ll find the ice pick! #BreakRoom #IcePick #ColonelMustard”
With so much at stake, many challenge the real purpose of National MAGA Hat Day? Is it a day about testing the limits of our emergency medical infrastructure? Or, is it something nasty, like the freedom of speech for Trump supporters?
For those planning to take part in #NMHD, experts suggest a protective MAGA hat to reduce the chances of brain damage.
Kelvin is a graphic designer and home-pickler. He contributes to the Globalist Post on topics such as Progressive Husbandry and Male-Feminism. He is married to his best friend, Meander, and they live happily in Portland, Oregon in a craftsman bungalow with their two dogs, Shakespeare and Xir, and Meander’s boyfriend.
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